Don't Fear the Feedback

Many writers, especially new ones, share one fear: feedback.

What is it about sharing our writing—our soul—that makes our hearts pound, stomachs twist, and foreheads sweat like we’ve been pumping iron in the gym for three hours?

Consider these sources of this fear.

Allodoxaphobia:  the fear of criticism.

A year and half ago, I paid to have a piece of my novel professionally critiqued. I had never, ever gotten any real feedback on it. For the moment, it seemed like I was turning in a life or death term paper. His feedback would either validate me as a writer or terminate me. Out of my mind with anxiety, I emailed the critique, begging him to be gentle in his comments. He assured me he would.

At the time, I had a misconception about feedback. I believed that if someone were to mark up my work with suggestions it meant one thing: that I was an awful writer. 

Stomp on my heart and my dreams.

Kakorrhaphiophobia: the fear of failure.

A year later, I met an editor at a conference, and she offered to critique my flash fiction story right there on the spot. I agreed. Since I entered the story into the conference contest, I wanted to see what she thought and guess if it might place.

As she began making bloody blue marks all over my paper, my heart sank. As we discussed it, I realized that her suggestions would improve it greatly. I thanked her, and with my tail between my legs, I took back the page that reflected hours of toil over apparently…not much. Depression swallowed me whole for the rest of the day.

I had gotten an F.

To think I could ever win a contest. Silly writer.

Atelophobia:  the fear of imperfection.

I’ve been diagnosed as a perfectionist. (As if I needed a professional to certify my insanity.)

How that affects me as a writer is that I work incredibly hard. Always rewriting. Always editing. Sometimes I take it to the extreme to avoid mistakes.  So when I produce a piece to be critiqued or edited, I’ve already spent hours upon hours perfecting it.  

For another writer to find flaws in my masterpiece would feel like I had succumbed to the jaws of imperfection and failed. 

When I tell writers not to fear the feedback, I’m speaking from experience. I know what it’s like to fear criticism, failure and imperfection—all at the same time.

But do you know what I’ve learned?

The right constructive criticism from the right person can grow you as a writer as well as affirm your skills. Because I avoided feedback, those fears hindered my growth as a writer for years. I never allowed anyone to affirm my gift so I always wondered if I was good enough to publish.

From that first critique I received, I learned so many things about writing. He also affirmed my talent with some positives. His constructive comments spurred me on to read books on how to improve my craft further. 

The next year when he critiqued the same story I had previously revised, he made sure I knew that I had progressed greatly. Even though he still offered suggestions, I realized those ideas only served to make my story better and stretch my skills further.

And about that story I had edited? That same night, I sat in the audience watching everyone else get awards, regretting I ever submitted that story. Then the speaker from the podium called my name for second place in flash fiction.

What?

Walking to the stage, I learned something else valuable about feedback. That yes, every story has the potential to improve with each revision. However, just because you have some development to do doesn’t mean you aren’t fit to take pen to paper. It simply means you’re not finished just yet .

Can it hurt? Temporarily.

Is it worth it? Absolutely.

This is the writer’s life.

Today, I thrive on feedback because it’s my ticket to writing a bestseller.  How I wish I had pursued it sooner!

If you want to grow and learn, don’t fear the feedback.  Don’t let your fears keep you from blooming.

 

Now I want to hear from you. How do you respond when receiving feedback on your writing? Can you identify with any of these fears? Tell me below.

5 Reasons Writers Need Each Other

One of my friends, Linnette Mullin, references a quote in her book Finding Beth that describes writers as “blue monkeys living in a brown monkey world.”  I don’t know about you, but that describes me.

We writers are unique creatures.  Many of us are introverts who prefer to be locked in a room with a computer or pen and paper for hours without interruption—we thrive on alone time.  In contrast to social butterflies, we draw our energy, not from socializing but from internalizing and thinking.  We have a lot to say, but not necessarily through our mouths.

 

But that doesn’t mean we should live as if on an island.

The first time I connected with other writers, joy rippled through me.  These people are just like me, I thought.

 

Now we get together regularly, but not for games or football.  We connect to share our writing and learn.  I’ll be the first to admit, we can be nerds.  Normal people don’t get excited over words, but we do.  Pass the coffee anyone?

Finding others who share my passion and understand my struggles and goals has relieved me of feeling isolated and continuously grows my gift .   Based on my experience, here are 5 reasons you need to find more writing buddies today.

Connections .  The more you know, the more places you’ll go.  Networking with other writers will open unexpected doors.  I found my first critique group through friends at a writing conference.  The more connections you have, the more opportunities you will find.

Growth.  My writer friends push me to be better and go farther.  We constantly learn from each other and grow as a result of constructive feedback.

Support.  I would venture to say that all writers struggle at times.  I haven’t met a writer yet (published or unpublished) who hasn’t admitted to struggling.  Many of us question ourselves and our abilities regularly.  When rejection comes knocking, we want to quit.  Surely we need each other for encouragement to push through those dark, daunting times.

Platform.  As writers, we help each other out when it comes to building a platform, or a fan base.  We read each others’ works, and we tell our friends in order to get the word out there.  We like and share each others’ posts and promote each other regularly.

Accountability.  If I know I’m meeting with my writing friends consistently, then I have to make sure I write something by certain dates.   Having a regular schedule keeps me on track with my goals.

    

Look around and take an inventory.  How many of your friends share your passion to write?  Do any of them help you revise and edit your writing?  Do they challenge you to write more and write better? 

I’m not advocating trading in your friends for new ones.  We all have friends that enhance different parts of our lives.  But if you don’t have many writing friends, it’s time to seek out some.  The best place to start is through critique groups (click here for suggestions on one of my previous posts), social media, and school. 

Trust me.  You need more writing friends.  Seeking out friends who share my passion to write was the best step I ever took as a writer.

How do you connect with other writers?  Start the conversation below!

Writing is a Noun, Not a Verb

I told you a little about my personal story last week.
 
This week, I'm going to tell you just a little more so you can understand identity.

For some of us, writing is not just a verb, which is something we do.  For a very few of us it's a noun—a thing—an identity we must embrace.

Wide-eyed and wonder-filled

As far as I can remember, stories and poetry have always lived inside of me.  The moment I learned how to release words on the page, I did.
   
At the ready age of 9 or 10 I was actually writing, illustrating and binding my own children's books out of printer paper and manila folders.  And I still have those books somewhere...

I also still have stacks of spiral notebooks of poetry—horrible, simplistic poetry—from the heart of child who thought the world revolved around rhymes and roses.

Not that rhyming or rose poems are bad.

During my teen years, the only thing I knew for certain was that I had to keep writing no matter what.  I didn't know any other way to express myself or my creativity.  

And write I did despite the fact that no one understood me.  Writing released my emotions in such a positive way counseling never could.

Reality packs a punch

Then I stepped into grown-up world of pursuing a career in college.  Reality hit me like a hard punch in the gut.  

The harsh voice in my head insisted that I put away childhood fantasies and look logic dead in the face.

Sadly, towards the end of college life, I chose practical over passion. 

It wasn't an easy choice.  However, teaching guaranteed the rent would be paid.

When college life came to a close, so did my outlet.  So did my dream.

Even still, for years, I continued to write here and there just for fun.  However, I was writing less and less.  Gradually, the words diminished as did my motivation to release them on the page.

Eventually, I buried my talent in the ground.  For twelve years.  

Then there was nothing but struggling and silence.




Something was missing

My biggest problem was that I was not fully embracing who I was meant to be—my identity as a writer.  I didn’t know my full purpose in life.  I excused myself from my calling due to my other daily obligations—school work , job, family.

Because I knew something was missing, I searched for ways to fill the void.  I volunteered at church, changed careers several times, and even started a family.  Even though many of these things brought me joy, still something wasn’t quite right.

Embracing my identity

After shelving my dream for so many years, I finally turned a corner.

I discovered a conference called the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers' Conference.  A conference is like going to a really intense school for a few days to learn about writing and connect with other writers, agents, and editors. 

I had also read a book that confirmed who I was as a writer:  Story Trumps Structure by Steven James, my all time writing hero.

As soon as I began connecting with other writers like me and learning to improve my craft, something happened.


The dam burst.

A geyser of dormant ideas laced with passion blew open.  Stories started dancing within me.  Poetry began singing to me in quiet times of reflection.  Words demanded to be released.  Daily.

Recently, I’ve made a choice, promising myself that despite the cost, I will never, ever look back. 

Now I’m running with it because I am a writer.  

Because of my experience, I am here to help you find it and embrace it as well.

It’s your turn

Tell me below a little bit about yourself. 

How do you feel about yourself as a writer?  What do you like to write?  Who are your writing heroes (favorite authors)?  What is your biggest writing dream?

Getting Started is the Hardest Thing to Do

I always tell my students the hardest thing about getting started is staring at the blank page.

So true.

Since we're just getting started, I guess the best place to begin our journey is to understand what this blog is about and a few rules for "netiquette".

A little About Me

I've been a high school English teacher for 11  years and a writer for life. 

You see, when I was a teenage writer, I had no one that understood me as a writer.  I also had no idea where to publish any of my work, nor did I have any tools to improve my writing outside of my English classes.  My love of writing dwindled because I had nothing to help me go anywhere.

My hope is that will never happen to you.

Out my own experiences and my passion for helping young people find their writing identity, this blog has been born. 

How do you know I can help you?

I'm glad you asked. 

Several agents have expressed interested in my novel-in-progress, but it's not quite finished yet.  Even though I haven't been published, I have recently won awards for poetry and flash fiction.

I was the co-editor of a literary magazine in college that published some of my poetry.  I've read several books on writing, attended conferences on writing, and joined several writing organizations, one of which is nationally recognized. 

The reason I surround myself with experts on writing and experienced authors is that they have done what I want to do--which is get published one day.  Lastly, I am currently teaching creative writing to the best group of student writers I could ever have.  :)

I'm living my dream and embracing my identity.  And I'm here to help you do the same.

Does all this make me an expert?

No way.

Even though I may not have all the expertise or answers, what I do have I want to share with you.

What are the rules? 

1.  Be kind.  Treat others (including me) the way you would like to be treated.  Make all comments and questions respectful.

2.  Be classy.  Profanity shows a lack of creativity and class, and it's not appropriate for this blog.  If you can't think of an alternate word, then don't say it.

3.  Be creative.  Share your ideas and questions.  If you find a cool website for writers, let me know!  This is a safe place for you to get feedback.

What can you expect to get out of this blog? 

1.  Community.  Find other writers your age with whom to share your writing and receive feedback.

2.  Inspiration.  Find encouragement and idea-starters to help you keep writing.

3.  Tools.  Find useful tools to improve your writing and potential outlets to get published.

Are you ready to get started?

Tell me what you would like to see on this blog to help you grow as a writer.  I can't promise you I will be able to implement all the suggestions, but I welcome all of your ideas. 

Write your comments, suggestions, or questions below to help me make this blog most helpful to you.